Wee-Bit Misanthropic

Uggh…this has got to be the most effeminate subject I have ever written on. Given the subject matter, I am thinking of changing the blog’s name to ‘Growing Ovaries’. At least I don't have to let go of perfectionism—I’m already a ‘good-enoughist’. I need to be more mindful of the ‘negative self-talk’ I give myself. More tied to the present moment too. Meditation would probably help Being ‘mindful of our common humanity’ is not a strong area for me either. Not so much humanity as people with my neurological condition. There are many in my group with the same challenges I have. All the more reason to attend the various support groups I’m in—to strengthen the bonds that are there. 0Self-kindness…uggh…I get an F. Are we done? ‘Acceptance is the heart of compassion’ writes BB. I need to be more of a friend to myself and help accept the situation for what it is. I should treat myself as I would a good friend, with warmth, understanding, and empathy. . Yuck.

Changed the blog name today because I don't think introversion covers it`I DON'T hate humanity (even a bit) but I DO get very moody, very depressed, and very anxious. Sometimes [often] I just prefer being alone I think owning misanthropy will make me more authentic.

Authenticity also demands that we stand for our values. This is my list of values. 1 honesty 2 loyalty 3 respect 4 responsibility 5 spirituality 6 compassion 7 hope 8 courage 9 gratitude The first four are ingrained in how I live. The last 5 are'soul's work' as BB writes. The last two especially require major work on my part.

I still care what people think. Authenticity requires that I own my introversion. Even if I am judged for it, that's ok because I freely admit it and even wear it on my sleeve.

A big part of my misanthropy is my social anxiety. i worry about other people's expectations and judgements. When really anxious, i face two questions [that I imagine other people have]-- "What is HE doing here?" vs. "Where has he BEEN?" I end up not going or hiding in my apartment. A lot of this has to do with my terrible driving and even worse hearing. When I ask myself 'Would I go if I could magically transport myself there and communicate perfectly, would I go?' the answer is almost always yes. I have convinced myself to look at hearing aids again. My driving and speech require that I 'push through' the anxiety like I did when I went away to university.

Well, the first guidepost is being authentic by letting go of what people think. Have no idea how to do this as 'people-pleasing' and 'going with the flow' seem to be part of my DNA. Guess I'll have to chip away at it and take small, baby steps. One step is to let a small number of people know my blog title and what it's about. These are both things which I would normally keep to myself to not make people think I hated humanity or was only interested in 'girly' subjects. .

Wholehearted Living by Joe. on Scribd

In retrospect, this hardly seems worth posting.  It feels derivative and simplistic. Also, it goes against what Brenee Brown wrote.  The wholehearted journey is not linear and cannot be condensed into a 'how to' formula.  It can't be relegated to a sequence of 'to do list' items. Still, it takes the major 'gauzy' [her term] words in the book and puts them in some kind of order.  It was helpful [at least to me]

I learn and think best when I can see things visually.  I am working on a powerpoint slide/

Courage could be defined as 'the willingness to put yourself out there'  Compassion means accepting your own vulnerabilities and bringing your whole person, including your dark side, with you so you can suffer with the other person.   Because of the human need for connection, we are by definition vulnerable as we let people be seen, heard and valued,  and as we give and receive without judgement attached.

For me the three words boil down to vulnerability, acceptance and openness/  I missed an opportunity yesterday to expose my vulnerability (or be courageous).  It occurred when  I refused help from several people [despite desperately needing it]  Have to remember Until we can receive with an open heart, we cannot give with an open heart.  When we attach judgement to receiving help, we attach judgement to giving it. This kind of thing happens often at the store.  Next time I will be ready for it!

Hi I’m Joe.   I’m a bit misanthropic.  I prefer being by myself to the company of other people. I have a part of me which eschews connection with others.  I want to change.   Specifically, I’d like to become what Brenee Brown defines as wholehearted in her book The Gifts of Imperfection.   Her writing rings true to me. This blog will be part book report on TGoI and part diary on my journey to Wholehearted Living.   Some things you should know about me:  I don’t have a lot of time. Although I am 45-the average lifespan of people with my neurological condition is 38.  I don’t know if I have 10 years or 10 days  left but I want to end life well.  I've been in a wheelchair since my early thirties. I can’t write and can barely type. My voice intelligibility I would rate as a four  out of ten. I’m physically well cared for at home.  Other parts of my life ranked out of ten:  Body/heałth.  0 Career/purpose   0  Love/sex. 0 Family. 8 Friends/