Wee-Bit Misanthropic

I still care what people think. Authenticity requires that I own my introversion. Even if I am judged for it, that's ok because I freely admit it and even wear it on my sleeve.

A big part of my misanthropy is my social anxiety. i worry about other people's expectations and judgements. When really anxious, i face two questions [that I imagine other people have]-- "What is HE doing here?" vs. "Where has he BEEN?" I end up not going or hiding in my apartment. A lot of this has to do with my terrible driving and even worse hearing. When I ask myself 'Would I go if I could magically transport myself there and communicate perfectly, would I go?' the answer is almost always yes. I have convinced myself to look at hearing aids again. My driving and speech require that I 'push through' the anxiety like I did when I went away to university.

For me the three words boil down to vulnerability, acceptance and openness/  I missed an opportunity yesterday to expose my vulnerability (or be courageous).  It occurred when  I refused help from several people [despite desperately needing it]  Have to remember Until we can receive with an open heart, we cannot give with an open heart.  When we attach judgement to receiving help, we attach judgement to giving it. This kind of thing happens often at the store.  Next time I will be ready for it!