Wee-Bit Misanthropic

Changed the blog name today because I don't think introversion covers it`I DON'T hate humanity (even a bit) but I DO get very moody, very depressed, and very anxious. Sometimes [often] I just prefer being alone I think owning misanthropy will make me more authentic.

A big part of my misanthropy is my social anxiety. i worry about other people's expectations and judgements. When really anxious, i face two questions [that I imagine other people have]-- "What is HE doing here?" vs. "Where has he BEEN?" I end up not going or hiding in my apartment. A lot of this has to do with my terrible driving and even worse hearing. When I ask myself 'Would I go if I could magically transport myself there and communicate perfectly, would I go?' the answer is almost always yes. I have convinced myself to look at hearing aids again. My driving and speech require that I 'push through' the anxiety like I did when I went away to university.

In retrospect, this hardly seems worth posting.  It feels derivative and simplistic. Also, it goes against what Brenee Brown wrote.  The wholehearted journey is not linear and cannot be condensed into a 'how to' formula.  It can't be relegated to a sequence of 'to do list' items. Still, it takes the major 'gauzy' [her term] words in the book and puts them in some kind of order.  It was helpful [at least to me]

Hi I’m Joe.   I’m a bit misanthropic.  I prefer being by myself to the company of other people. I have a part of me which eschews connection with others.  I want to change.   Specifically, I’d like to become what Brenee Brown defines as wholehearted in her book The Gifts of Imperfection.   Her writing rings true to me. This blog will be part book report on TGoI and part diary on my journey to Wholehearted Living.   Some things you should know about me:  I don’t have a lot of time. Although I am 45-the average lifespan of people with my neurological condition is 38.  I don’t know if I have 10 years or 10 days  left but I want to end life well.  I've been in a wheelchair since my early thirties. I can’t write and can barely type. My voice intelligibility I would rate as a four  out of ten. I’m physically well cared for at home.  Other parts of my life ranked out of ten:  Body/heałth. ...