Posts

Self compassion

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Uggh…this has got to be the most effeminate subject I have ever written on. Given the subject matter, I am thinking of changing the blog’s name to ‘Growing Ovaries’. At least I don't have to let go of perfectionism—I’m already a ‘good-enoughist’. I need to be more mindful of the ‘negative self-talk’ I give myself. More tied to the present moment too. Meditation would probably help Being ‘mindful of our common humanity’ is not a strong area for me either. Not so much humanity as people with my neurological condition. There are many in my group with the same challenges I have. All the more reason to attend the various support groups I’m in—to strengthen the bonds that are there. 0Self-kindness…uggh…I get an F. Are we done? ‘Acceptance is the heart of compassion’ writes BB. I need to be more of a friend to myself and help accept the situation for what it is. I should treat myself as I would a good friend, with warmth, understanding, and empathy. . Yuck.
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Wee-Bit Misanthropic

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Changed the blog name today because I don't think introversion covers it`I DON'T hate humanity (even a bit) but I DO get very moody, very depressed, and very anxious. Sometimes [often] I just prefer being alone I think owning misanthropy will make me more authentic.
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Values

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Authenticity also demands that we stand for our values. This is my list of values. 1 honesty 2 loyalty 3 respect 4 responsibility 5 spirituality 6 compassion 7 hope 8 courage 9 gratitude The first four are ingrained in how I live. The last 5 are'soul's work' as BB writes. The last two especially require major work on my part.
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Remaining block to authenticity

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I still care what people think. Authenticity requires that I own my introversion. Even if I am judged for it, that's ok because I freely admit it and even wear it on my sleeve.
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Social Anxiety

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A big part of my misanthropy is my social anxiety. i worry about other people's expectations and judgements. When really anxious, i face two questions [that I imagine other people have]-- "What is HE doing here?" vs. "Where has he BEEN?" I end up not going or hiding in my apartment. A lot of this has to do with my terrible driving and even worse hearing. When I ask myself 'Would I go if I could magically transport myself there and communicate perfectly, would I go?' the answer is almost always yes. I have convinced myself to look at hearing aids again. My driving and speech require that I 'push through' the anxiety like I did when I went away to university.
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Authenticity

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Well, the first guidepost is being authentic by letting go of what people think. Have no idea how to do this as 'people-pleasing' and 'going with the flow' seem to be part of my DNA. Guess I'll have to chip away at it and take small, baby steps. One step is to let a small number of people know my blog title and what it's about. These are both things which I would normally keep to myself to not make people think I hated humanity or was only interested in 'girly' subjects. .
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My visual conception of Wholehearted living

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Wholehearted Living by Joe. on Scribd
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